Stories & Articles

Reader, “On September 11, I always take the day off. I want to be in a peaceful, quiet place praying. It is a day I both mourn and celebrate.” - Genelle Guzman-McMillan, 9/11 survivor “It’s the nature of the world that most people have moved on, but the people directly involved with 9/11, for them, twice a day it’s 9/11.” - Robert Reeg, former FDNY firefighter “I still have the shoes I wore to work that day. The soles are melted, and they’re caked in ash. I keep them in a shoebox with the...

Reader, Now that we’re two days past Labor Day and the unofficial end of summer here in the US, I had to share the photo of flip-flops locked together with a padlock. It’s one of my favorites because of what it evokes about summer. Unlike for many of you, saying goodbye to summer has never been a problem for me. While I do like the additional sunlight and going to baseball games, the warmer temperatures of summer drain me. Putting summer in the rearview mirror energizes me for what comes...

Hi Reader, Something goes off inside me about this time every year. My first sighting of a school bus invading our quiet neighborhood does it each time. Kids going back to school and what it does to their parents. It makes me feel a mix of sadness and joy about what happens in our relationships with the children in our lives. Many decades have passed since our own kids went back to school (although one of them is returning to get an additional college degree.) So the invading school buses...

Reader, One of our podcast listeners once told me she especially likes reading listener responses to my weekly emails and podcast episodes. There were more than usual to last week’s email and blog post that I thought might interest you. You might recall that last week I shared something my friend Martin learned about grief in the context of his wife Suzanne’s death four years ago. He quoted a neurobiologist who talked about the neurophysiology of grief. She said that when a loved one dies,...

Reader, In last week’s email, I talked about my friend Martin, whose wife died suddenly four years ago. This past Thursday, on the anniversary of Suzanne’s death, Martin and I talked on the phone. He shared what the past four years have been like for him. Martin also forwarded a text to me that he received from the hospital about Suzanne’s passing. Hi, Hans. Since Suzanne died, your brain has had to reconstruct its map of the world without her in it. Neurobiologist Mary-Frances O'Connor...

Even in death, we can help others live.

Reader, If you’re a person of faith, you most likely have heard at one time or another that we are made for relationships. After all, God himself is relational, and he made us in his image. The problem is sometimes relationships get messy. And it can be hard to find the joy in them that God intends for us. To help with this, our website includes podcast episodes and articles on how and where to look for joy in relationships. Click here to see the list, with a brief description of each of...

Reader, In last week’s email, I mentioned that if you are interested in becoming a better listener, we have quite a few blog posts and podcast episodes on our website that can help you. Click here to see the list. As with becoming a better listener, we also have a different t set of podcast episodes and blog posts about family relationships. If this interests you, click here to see a brief description of those episodes and blog articles. Among other things, you’ll find several interviews I...

Hi Reader, A while back, someone who attended a better listening workshop I put on shared some interesting feedback. It had been several years since we met at the workshop, but when I ran into him, he offered this comment - completely out of the blue: “You know, when you were here a few years ago to put on that listening seminar, the thing I remember most is the W.A.I.T. principle you taught us. I think about it all the time when I’m talking with people.” I thought you might like to know...