Reader,

One of our podcast listeners once told me she especially likes reading listener responses to my weekly emails and podcast episodes.

There were more than usual to last week’s email and blog post that I thought might interest you.

You might recall that last week I shared something my friend Martin learned about grief in the context of his wife Suzanne’s death four years ago. He quoted a neurobiologist who talked about the neurophysiology of grief. She said that when a loved one dies, there is a reconstruction that happens in your brain.

Your loved one can’t be located on a map, “even though you may still expect her to be in familiar places and may find yourself searching for her. Grieving can be thought of as a form of learning, and one day the world will feel whole again, as hard as that is to imagine now.”

To this, Martin wrote to share, “There is not much understanding and knowledge about the grief journey and grief support, even in our faith communities. There is a great need for that because many bereaved people feel isolated and alone!”

Others commented, too:

DB, from Colorado, who lost her daughter to cancer two years ago

Just watched the video today of Martin & his daughter’s (she is beautiful) meeting with Suzanne’s donor recipients. No words. It was just so good to actually see Martin and his daughter. Four years. More smiles than tears. So encouraging to me. There is a “new map” of hope and redemption in the loss.

Linda, from North Carolina

John, thank you for sharing the video of Martin and his daughter celebrating with families who received his wife’s organs.
That’s an amazing story! I also celebrate that you REMEMBERED to connect with your friend Martin four years after his wife’s passing. I feel you could do a whole session on the priceless passion of remembering…our choosing to remember significant milestone dates in the lives of our friends.
If someone remembers our birthday, that’s a special gift, isn’t it? But when someone writes me on the anniversary of Jim’s death, or the anniversary of our anniversary, that is remembering at a higher level, I feel! Someone has taken the time to write it down in their planner or jot it in their phone – and then gone the extra mile to write back to me. That’s real love!
I believe REMEMBER is one of God’s favorite words! Let’s make it one of ours too!
Out of the blue yesterday, I got a video message from my young MK friend Keith. Our kids grew up with him in Nigeria. Now a dad with a family of his own, he recalled a time long ago when my husband Jim wrote some notes of encouragement on one of his 4th grade school papers! When he was mowing his lawn this week, HE REMEMBERED those words again. But this time he went the extra step of reminding me of their impact.”

JB, from South Carolina

This idea of loved ones missing from your map is really interesting to me in light of a broken relationship. This is what has happened with two family members. They disappeared from my map but then kept making random appearances. To deal with them disappearing for two years, I have tried to delete them.
But just when I think they are gone for good, they reappear. But maybe I can just picture putting a Post-it note over their location when they pop back onto the map for a few minutes. They will never be fully gone from my map until they die. But for now, I can leave their location covered up. This is really helpful. Thanks!

Brad from Florida

It is true that your brain plays and replays memories of the past. As time passes, I can tell you that my memories are treasured.
I know Kathy is finally home with the Lord. After being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, that’s all she wanted. Kathy’s prayers were always answered.
Of course, I miss being with her. When she passed, I remember asking God to lead me to a new ministry. I have found a new church to attend, and God has gifted me with a new relationship.
I met Lori at church. We are getting to know each other, and we have similar losses of loved ones who had terminal diseases.
I definitely didn’t think I would find someone who could touch my heart, as I wasn’t thinking that my heartfelt pain would ever change. The road map of your brain and your life is always changing. I believe that this is good.
So I’m faithfully trusting God’s road map. One great thing is his map always leads back to him. I’m grateful.

Until next week, I wish you all the joy that you can wish.*

John Certalic

You Were Made for This is the podcast sponsored by Caring for Others, a missionary care ministry.

* The Merchant of Venice, Act III, scene 2