One way we can foster deep and fulfilling relationships is by becoming more self-aware. It helps keep our relationships from slowly drifting to the shallow end of the pool, where they’re just not as much fun as they are in the deep end.

The problem is many of us are not nearly as self-aware as we think we are. How to become so is a challenge, which is the topic of today’s episode. So keep listening.

Some help from the 17th century

A number of years ago I came across an intriguing prayer. I wish I could remember where I found it, but I don’t. I’ve used it in several workshops I’ve given, and in fact, wrote a blog piece about it last summer. I’ll have a link to it in the show notes.

It’s simply titled “17th Century Nun’s Prayer”

I wish I knew something about the poet, especially her name, but I don’t know that either. As I read her prayer to you, see if you can figure out why I find it intriguing.

So here goes, 17th Century Nun’s Prayer:

An intriguing prayer

Lord, Thou knowest better than I know myself, that I am growing older and will someday be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to straighten out everybody’s affairs. Make me thoughtful but not moody; helpful but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all, but Thou knowest Lord that I want a few friends at the end.

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains. They are increasing, and love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by. I dare not ask for grace enough to enjoy the tales of others’ pains, but help me to endure them with patience.

I dare not ask for improved memory, but for a growing humility and a lessening cocksureness when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be mistaken.

Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a Saint – some of them are so hard to live with – but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil. Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places, and talents in unexpected people. And, give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so.

AMEN

Self-Awareness is about O.R.A. Observe – Remember – Act

I’m intrigued by this prayer for a number of reasons. First off, there’s a bit of humor and edginess to it. I like to think God has a sense of humor, and that he appreciates a little edginess from time to time.

The prayer also intrigues me because it’s an example of the ORA Principle of Deepening our Relationships we’ve been talking about in recent episodes. Observe – Remember – Act. I’ll have links to a few of these as well in the show notes.

Observe

Our 17th-century nun doesn’t have a name, but for our purposes, let’s see, I’ll call her Sister Olivia. A perfectly good nun’s name from the 1600s.

Sister Olivia is self-aware and observes some things within herself she doesn’t like, and she asks God to remove these things from her life. Her prayer is one of reduction, “take these things from me” is her plea to God. For example,

Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to straighten out everybody’s affairs. Make me thoughtful but not moody; helpful but not bossy….

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details; … seal my lips on my aches and pains…

Her prayer is a great example of self-awareness, which is such an important part of relational intelligence.

Remember

Sister Olivia remembers her flaws, and for the most part, does not get defensive about them. She owns them and recalls how these idiosyncrasies have gotten in the way of her relationships.

She also remembers that to rid herself of these flaws will take supernatural power from God. She can’t do it on her own. It's a big part of self-awareness.

Act

Given what she observes in herself, and what she remembers about her weaknesses, Sister Olivia takes action. She prays to God to help her be the person He created her to be. She knows she can’t do this on her own, so she takes action by calling upon God to help her.

So what’s the point of all this for YOU?

It would be easy to dismiss this “prayer” as something cute and funny. That would be a mistake in my view. The “prayer” a good example of the power of self-awareness in helping us relate better with each other. And with our self.

It’s Romans 12: 3 all over again, “… Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.”

Wouldn’t you like to be friends with someone like this nun who is so self-aware? Wouldn’t you like her to be your neighbor? I know I would.

Imagine what our relationships would be like if all of us prayed as she did? Your flaws and my flaws may well be different than hers. But what if we each of us asked the Holy Spirit to reveal our weaknesses to us, and to show how they are keeping our relationships from being all they could be? And then ask God for the wisdom and power to more like the men and women he created us to be.

The prayer one more time

Lord, Thou knowest better than I know myself, that I am growing older and will someday be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to straighten out everybody’s affairs. Make me thoughtful but not moody; helpful but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all, but Thou knowest Lord that I want a few friends at the end.

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains. They are increasing, and love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by. I dare not ask for grace enough to enjoy the tales of others’ pains, but help me to endure them with patience.

I dare not ask for improved memory, but for a growing humility and a lessening cocksureness when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be mistaken.

Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a Saint – some of them are so hard to live with – but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil. Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places, and talents in unexpected people. And, give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so.

AMEN

Best Line:

Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places, and talents in unexpected people. And, give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so.

Here’s the main point I hope you remember from today’s episode

The more self-aware we are, the greater the possibility for significant meaningful relationships.

I’d love to hear any thoughts you have about today’s episode. Just send them to me in an email to john [at] caringforothers [dot] org. Or you can share your thoughts in the “Leave a Reply” box at the bottom of the show notes.

Closing

In closing, if you found this podcast helpful feel free to forward this episode to others you think might be interested in today’s content.

I hope your thinking was stimulated by today’s show, to both reflect and to act. So that by becoming more and more self-aware you will find the joy God intends for you through your relationships. Because after all, You Were Made for This.

Well, that’s all for today. I look forward to being with you again next week. Goodbye for now.

Related episodes you may want to listen to

088: Get them to Say “Thank You for Asking”

089: How to Be a Better Observer of People

Related blog post

August 19, 2020, “How to Age Well”

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